Antinuclear

Several large barrels have already been placed in the chamber in preparation for the waste, ensuring adequate room was left between each one in case of an emergency.

“Occupational Health and Safety is always our number one priority,” a waste disposal employee advised as he placed one barrel next to the Speaker’s seat. “We’ll keep a few exits completely free in case of a fire – safety first! – and we’re ensuring most tubs are placed away from speakers most likely to be asked to leave during question time in case they knock one over on their way out.”

The new nuclear waste facility will store predominately low and intermediate level nuclear waste and will continue to be home to the nation’s highest levels of hot air and drivel.

Certain MPs opposed the decision, gobsmacked that the Australian Radiation Protection and Nuclear Safety Agency had not been consulted, but the Federal Government released a statement attesting to the plan’s safety.

“It’s only nuclear waste, not a swarm of bees covered in asbestos, or an asylum seeker! There’s nothing to be afraid of,” scoffed one coalition backbencher. “If you’re questioning whether we should be storing it here, or even at all, you obviously don’t understand.”

The wastage is expected to begin being dumped as soon as next week, with officials just waiting on the single ‘Caution: Waste’ A4 sign to be blu-tacked on the main chamber door.

One Independent MP advised she was indifferent about the decision. “To be honest I always leave the senate with a headache anyway, so I don’t think this will change anything. It might even lighten the place up, give the chamber a bit of glowing ambience.”