Australian news, and some related international items

Annabel Crabbe’s version of The Man From Snowy River

The Man From Snowy River then clapped on his Driza-Bone
His hat and his elastic sided boots.
He summoned his advisers via WhatsApp, text and phone.
“We need a press announcement, friends! When suits?”

Malcolm, the man from Snowy Hydro, powers on Annabel Crabb

There was fear across the nation, for the word had passed around
That the gas reserves were ebbing fast away.
With power stations closing… Hell! The problem was profound.
Soon lovely Adelaide would fade to grey.

The Greens were unrepentant – “Surely wind will do the trick!”
(Perhaps a national subsidy for lentils?)
One Nation grumbled: “Blame the States. They’re always far too quick
To flog our power to the Orientals!”.

The Man from Wentworth fretted in his lofty gilded cage.
A prisoner he’d been for weeks on end.
Below him his oppressors fizzed with mighty, vengeful rage
(An awkward scene, since they were all his friends):

“Ban gay marriage! Let us speak…” (the mob bayed from below)
“…without the cruel restraints of 18C!”
“Take a stand! Avenge Bill Leak!” The skies were all aglow,
The pyres of their fury plain to see.

Among them, leading loudest with the epithets and jeers
And demands for a conservative agenda
Was Tony of the North Shore, his legendary ears
Pricked for signs of imminent surrender.

The Man from Wentworth mused: How did this bloke, so long-deposed
Yet boast such a degree of moral clout?
The Man, alas, was only to be further discomposed
When his sole surviving lightbulb sputtered out.

In darkness, then, it came to him: The answer, low and sweet.
The beauty of it set his heart a-quiver.
“I’ll writhe no more upon this hook of treacherous deceit.
Hot damn! I’ll be the Man From Snowy River!”

“We’ll build a vast extension to the Snowy Mountains Scheme!
(Constructed back when Grandpa was a pup)
It’s expensive and renewable, so: Perfect for the Greens!
And for the Nats. They love to dig stuff up!”

“And as for YOU” (and here he threw a glance at his oppressors)
“I hope that this at last begins to leaven
(Or countervails, exonerates, or otherwise redresses)
The curse of that old deal I did with Kevin.”

“There’s nothing here that looks or smells or sounds like “carbon price”.
There’s nothing here to upset Andrew Bolt.
We’ll build a dam. Yes, that’s our plan; what makes it extra nice
Is that you can explain it to a dolt.”

“No more sinking feeling at the gathering of dusk!
No more talk of nuclear solutions!
No more dirty coal or panicked calls to Elon Musk,
We’re gonna have a power revolution!”

“Hey Shorten! I can see your pledge on workers’ penalty rates!
I see you, getting all sincere and sniffly.
But check out these construction jobs for all your whining mates!
Yep: Cop this, champ. I’m back. AND I’M BEN CHIFLEY!”

The Man had always been a fan of valves and pumps and dams.
Of water tables, aqueducts and bores.
His standup desk was soon inch-deep in complicated plans
Designed to win across-the-board applause.

He laboured through the night, a willing conscript to the task
Delighted at the thought of being free.
Toward the dawn he took, perhaps, the smallest break; to ask
Lucy for a cup of herbal tea.

The Man From Snowy River then clapped on his Driza-Bone
His hat and his elastic sided boots.
He summoned his advisers via WhatsApp, text and phone.
“We need a press announcement, friends! When suits?”

His acolytes came running; at his rustic foot they kneeled.
They ventured their advice to him when pressed.
“Newspoll’s Tuesday, so that means the pollster’s in the field
On Thursday: Make it Thursday. Thursday’s best.”


March 19, 2017 - Posted by | General News

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